From time to time we have all found ourselves under society’s magnifying glass, always unsure of what meets societal standards. Well I have decided to indulge in the art of judge, jury and executioner of female footwear 😎 . Incase you get offended ….from the deepest part of my sole, I did this with love (see what I did there? 😂😂😂)
We’re all good? Okay let’s dig in!
1. SNEAKER WEDGE.
I say lit, woke, fam, fleek and squad all the time. Basically I sound like I’m speaking dothraki to anyone above the age of 25.
I will probably wear a snapback and a straight outta compton tshirt to my wedding ….after all YOLO…lol
I am an Instagram marketer and I organize events 😂😂 …I have endless whatsapp groups…my fam always chatting.
I am tots classy but will totally snatch your phone and rob your wallet.
2. THE HALF SANDAL/ BOOT.
‘Martin luther black….Barrack Obama black…’ wagwan mtunguyaz…..morio gota
I text like, ‘ xaxa xweeti….nmekumix…. nsendie kredo ya 10 bob… pouwar xanar….lyk wauw gooossshh’
I am in zetech doing a degree in bachelor of certificates …legit course ma dude😌
Follow me on facebook at caro_msweetest_bootylicious.
3. MAASAI SANDAL.
Put some respek to my name….Khadija Mwanaisha and I am a certified twerker. Ps. I’m from the coast.
I bought these sandals at Maasai market for a hundred dollors…. omg what a bargain.
I spend more money on pedicures than snoop dog does on weed.
My feet are always dirty and crusty…I could slice your throat with the back of my foot. Also my feet are constantly wet, athletes foot- totally worth it.
I have my fundi wa viatu’s number on speed dial. Every time I sneeze a shoe string snaps. Forgive me for always dragging my feet.
4. DOLL SHOES.
I eat fried chicken and drink mayonnaise for breakfast. Fam I ain’t fat….I’m curvy.
I am headed to class….I major in B.com and minor in binge drinking.
I live on the 5th floor of my apartment building in Roysambu and have to take the stairs like it’s colonial times.
My boyfriend/husband is shorter than me so I had to lose the height.
I have a boyfriend so I gave up on my looks long ago 🙄
I have shares at Toi Market, Gikomba, Ngara and I’m on a first name basis with nearly all the hawkers along Tom Mboya street.
I have over 50k followers on Instagram and a professional polio poser.
I am so fit!!!…. I am burning calories just wearing these shoes.
I take alot of mirror selfies in leggings and sports bras….. keep niggas thirsty
I drink fat free water, breath diet air and have cholesterol free sex. I don’t give head because I’m vegan. 😂
I take pictures of my lettuce and post them on Instagram …..I really have to share my fake happiness with the whole world.
6. BATA NGOMA
I am the most natural person you will ever meet. Like I have bantu knots on my armpits.
My first crush was a freedom fighter…..I’m 80 but you’d never notice🙈
I have Ankara clothes, Ankara shoes, Ankara towels, Ankara bedsheets…..the whole enchilada…….you naaaaame it.
I have ‘black lives matter’ on my bio and sing lemonade to my baby every night.
My toenails look like they got ran over by a truck but that’s okay…..I’m feminist. My soul is pedicured.
I have a car…..well not my car , it’s my dad’s car but yeah……I’m rich.
I am wearing my pjs and might not have showered this week.
I just had sex with my boyfriend and will not take off his tshirt until y’all notice.
I haven’t slept in 6 years….. I live behind this mall/club and the rent is shit crazy…but you know us rich people do things that don’t make sense; you don’t understand?….here’s a dollor.
I can’t handle my liquor…..but that’s okay, I came with the squad…they have my back. #sisters4ever
I have a billion snapchat videos and Instagram stories of me shouting the lyrics to a song- not annoying at all…. my fans know I am a party ghel.
My toes are bleeding but these heels pop my butt and make me look sexy. Bent spine? -totally worth the male that will foot this bill, take me home and not give me an orgasm.
I can not walk on grass…but there is no grass at D’ club where I stunt every night.
If a terrorist came in at this moment, I cannot run. Life is the price you pay to be beautiful.
Trust me this is my real hair…..hope I don’t puke on it.
The iphone, matte lipstick and the body con come with these shoes. Available in every shop in Jumia Mall.
Before y’all take up forks and torches to lynch and burn me at the stake ….. I have atleast one pair of the above said shoes.
Merry Christmas 🎄